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‘It’s alright, Barnaby. It’s just that I don’t want my nephew getting arrested or being sent down from Oxford for disgracing himself. I know your father regards those tuition fees as an investment, and I also know he wants to see a return on them. He’s not like your Uncle Brian, who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.’ Another rather squeaky fart escaped from Anne’s bottom and a rapid succession of soft plops landed in the pan beneath her. ‘That feels better. I needed that.’ Barnaby put his hand to his mouth. His eyes were beginning to water at the smell. ‘Phew, it stinks in here!’ Anne couldn’t resist a wicked grin. ‘Well, what did you expect? The scent of roses and carnations?’ ‘Well, no.’ ‘Precisely. Have you ever seen a woman take a dump before?’ ‘No, Aunt Anne.’ ‘Well you have today. Whilst we pee differently, I think you’ll agree that a woman taking shit isn’t all that much different to a guy taking one. Some of us even smell worse and drop bigger loads. I. By the time he wentdownstairs, having pulled a t-shirt over his head and put on socks andtrainers, there was no trace of Kirstie left. Not on him; not in hisroom.Just in time, as the front door opened as he reached the bottom of thestairs to admit his mother.Carrie Bright was, like her husband, just the wrong side of forty andwhile Robert had maintained a state of fitness and the physique he hadkept while playing rugby when he was younger, Carrie had not been aslucky, the weight having never really departed following her secondpregnancy. Untidy blonde hair surrounded her face, strands having brokenfree of the barrette she habitually wore at the hospital, and she had herusual post-work air of frustration about her."Hi Mum," Noah said. "Good day?" Just the usual," she replied. "You? Did you get that essay written?" Draft completed," he replied."Good," she said absentmindedly, hanging her coat up. She sniffed the airsuddenly. "Did you put that casserole in as I asked?"Noah felt his.
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